Wednesday, May 04, 2005


Visitantes a Ponchorama ya saben que Japón no es como el resto del mundo. Y si necesitan más prueba dense otra vuelta a Crazy Japan pero de vez en cuando salen notas que me hacen recapacitar. Kancho es una de estas cosas:

Un maestro americano en Japón reporta:

Let me introduce you to a game Japanese kids like to play called "Kancho."

Actually, it's not so much a "game" as it is kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt. I'm really not joking.

You know, before we come to Japan, they tell us a lot of ultimately useless stuff. What kind of computer to bring, if our DVD's will work, clothing sizes, that kind of nonsense. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, in the 3-4 months of orientations did anyone ever mention that at some point, a Japanese kid may try to stick their fingers up our butt. That's something I would have liked to know, personally.
It's called Kancho, and just about any kid can be a Kancho Assassin. Even the sweetest little girl may be prone to jam her fingers up your ass the second you turn around. This happened to one of my friends, which just goes to show - don't trust anyone. I'd say the little girls are the most dangerous cause they have natural ways of lowering your defenses.

I was pretty lucky. Before I came, I bought a really big, really baggy pair of pants. The kids try to Kancho...but they just have no idea where my ass is! It's beautiful! I had one kid try and find his fingers hit nothing but jean fabric and air. Yes! But I've actually gotten pretty good at dodging it, much like Spider-man I have developed a Kancho Sense that tells me where and when it's coming before it comes. I parry fingers like a pro. My record is still 100% Kancho Free.

El resto de la página es muy divertida en particular el Gaijin Smash

When I did my self-introduction to my students, I claimed to be an English-teaching superhero. I was mostly joking, but my friends and I have found that living here does in fact grant us superpowers. Like Superman under a yellow sun, except it's gaijin under the Rising Sun. So one night, we decided to catalogue all the superpowers we'd acquired. This is what we came up with. And yes, a lot of beer was involved.

uno de estos es:

Gaijin Optic Blast - This is actually more of a counter-attack. We foreigners get stared at. A lot. Gaijin Optic Blast is the wonderful technique of staring back. It's so easy, yet so effective! As soon as they realize we're staring back, they look away, it's like a projectile version of the Gaijin Smash. The only thing is, you have to keep up the Gaijin Optic Blast, cause as soon as they think you are looking away, they resume staring. Do it right though, and once is a charm.

cierra la nota con:

On bad days, I'll spread my Gaijin Perimeter, and combo a Gaijin Optic Blast into a Gaijin Smash for 70% damage. And when I have out, cause then I can cancel into Super Gaijin Smash, and there's just no coming back from that.

Outpost Nine :: Editorials :: I am a Japanese School Teacher


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