Thursday, April 07, 2005

Random Acts Of Reality :: Carrots

Cuando la descripción de un blog empieza asi:

Welcome to Random Acts Of Reality, a Blog based in London, England, written by an E.M.T working for the London Ambulance Service. Also, number one search result for "Womble porn". All names have be changed to protect the guilty. This Blog was previously known as "Why I Hate Humanity" but the antipsychotic medication seems to have kicked in.

Sabemos que podemos esperar buenas cosas. Y no decepciona.

y empieza con la definición de FBUA... read on brave souls:

As promised, the quality of this blog is about to nosedive, as I discuss some of the things I have personally witnessed up a patients rectum.

I’ve not seen a FBUA (foreign body up arse) while in the ambulance service – I think most people are so embarrassed that they tend to make their own way to hospital rather than risk being laughed at by two hairy armed ambulance people.

The one that sticks most in my mind was the first one I ever came across – I was working in A&E at the time, and I think I’d only been there a year or so, when I saw a load of doctors crouched around an abdominal X-Ray.

“You can see it there”, said one.

“Don’t be daft, but you can see the bowel being pushed out of shape”, another said dismissively.

“Of course you can’t see it”, said another, “It’s organic…”

Being a nosey nurse I asked what they were looking at, and was told that the patient had a carrot up their rectum. Looking closely at the x-ray I could see where the lower part of the bowel was stretched upward by a large amount. There was no sign of the alleged carrot – but then it wouldn’t show up in a normal x-ray film anyway, it being as organic as the flesh that x-rays go through unimpeded.

The story I was told was that the patient was a 72 year old male who had gotten his groceries and was taking a short-cut across the local park when he was ‘caught short’. Desperate to open his bowels, he had dropped his trousers and crouched behind a tree to *cough* ‘squeeze one out’. However, two 15 year old boys ran up behind him, grabbed a carrot from the bag and inserted it rectally.

The patient didn’t want the police involved because he “didn’t want to be any trouble”.

Us professionally trained staff, were of course sympathetic to his plight, and obviously believed every word of his tale.

Who am I kidding, we didn’t believe a word of it.

Por supuesto todo el mundo que entra a una sala de emergencia con objetos extraños en el trasero siempre dice que se "cayó sobre ellos" you know? freak accident. yeah right.

K. la hermana pequeña de M. ha sido testigo de este tipo de accidentes. O más bien de uno que todavia no logro visualizar... y es por falta de de ganas de hacerlo. Me explico.

Hombre llega al hospital. Hombre tiene un frasco de mayonesa, más del 80% 120 % dentro de su cuerpo. Explicación? "Me caí sobre él..." Después de variós intentos de removerlo "por las buenas" y despues de más de 10 horas, solo queda la cirugía.

(correción estaba todo el frasco dentro y más!)

Random Acts Of Reality :: Carrots

via warrenellis

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