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Crime and Punishment
By Fyodor Dostoevsky
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard

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Raskolnikov
I'm so extraordinary, I can commit crimes. (kills some people)
Sonia
I'm the spiritual side of Raskolnikov.
Porfiry
I'm the intellectual side of Raskolnikov.
Raskolnikov
I have reconciled the two sides of my personality, represented so well by Sonia and Porfiry. (confesses)




THE END



The Fellowship of the Ring
By J. R. R. Tolkien
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard

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Gandalf
Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try to destroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.
Bilbo Baggins
It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attacked by black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)

Elrond
Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will be destroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ring to where he lives.
(They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES in the mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form having triumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where the guy comes back as a DOG.)

Boromir
Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.
Frodo
No.
Boromir
What have I done? (dies)




THE END

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